In reminiscing on my two month retreat in rural France.
Much has changed. It is me. France became a rich dream time unencumbered with responsibilities, set in a familiar landscape yet isolated just enough to allow my dreaming self to emerge and be my guide.
The past ten years
It has been a roller coast ride the past ten years with upheaval of homes, illness and death in my family and friends. This necessitates a redefining of myself. In my sixties this is the crisis time I must go through to emerge changed as I am now.
As winter draws to an end with days to leave for France, our historic century old farm house is turned over to the perfect couple eager to farm with vision and youth I had lost.
We sold our Daffodil Springs Farm, packed a few belongings and amidst a tempest freak snow storm moved into Ganges. The last struggle of our move was almost the straw that broke the camels back. We were beaten into exhaustion, stung from financial loss and literally moving through calf high thick snow to remove the last vestiges of a life we cared to keep. Our movers had to cancel as roads were impassable. Our booked flights to France were immovable.
A wellspring of determination, raw will and weather cooperation opened an afternoon of calm. Movers came through and deposited the last belongings to the home we hope to live in for the rest of our lives.
We fly to France. Healing begins….
I have a dream.
“I am in a sandstorm, swirling, stinging sand heaped on my small village I love. I alone wander the desolate landscape desperate to find my buried people. I begin the monumental task to dig through the shifting sand. The few that escape are stunned with the outrage of devastation. Encouragingly I shake them to help with the rescue. It fast becomes a hopeless task. Time and the weight of drifted sand become a tomb for my dear friends.
I climb a hill to view the vast desert, its miles of waste land. I know I need more help. Slipping down the embankment, I feel something buried just under the surface. I release a beautifully woven prayer carpet. A magic carpet. In desperate need of help I believe the carpet could carry me. I sit down and with clear intention am lifted, sailing across an expansive landscape. I fly through a velvet star encrusted night. At daybreak I land in a village far far away. Its people flock about me, I tell my story. They assemble to help as best they can offering an army of strength to assist. “Where is my village?” Helpless, I can give no direction. The desert is huge, unremarkable and always changing. My carpet ride offers no clue of map or orientation. Again I am thwarted to help. Sickened with this reality I walk into the desert, grief lulls me to sleep on my magic carpet. In a dream I again ride my carpet allowing the stars and celestial guide to bring me back to my home. I see a half buried olive tree. I cut off a branch and tie it to a pole and mount in the highest place declaring my faith to begin again. Magic happens. I find a well with clear abundant healing water. I water the olive tree then begin the process of reconstructing my life in this place.
As dreams will do, I shift my time to many years in the future and as on a magic carpet I fly over an oasis of green vegetation and simple prosperous habitation. My eyes rest on an old olive tree with its huge spreading canopy of grayed green leaf and lush fruit. An old woman sits sweetly resting beneath. I can see in her a demeanor of deep contentment, a filled grateful spirit for what she has accomplished. She had come home. Not with the help from others. She came back on her own, carved a life of service for her people. Reconstructing her home became her healing. She is at peace.”
I wonder at the meaning of my dream as I reread my dream journals. Awakening this morning I am certain of the importance to share some of my struggle and humanity, of what it is to be human and live mythically. Looking outside myself for help has often been a struggle with twists and turns while I follow well meaning advise.
As I enter more deeply into my dream life I love the hero I become when I answer to my inner vision. I have a deep knowing in my dream world of possibilities more vast than the narrow confines of “shoulds” and “what ifs”.
I embrace this person I become.
Blessings on a life deep in dream possibility.