Once upon a time I had a dream, the kind that stays with you for days. I was on the ferry in my car arriving at Swartz Bay from Fulford Harbour. I was several cars back from the gate. I felt the ferry dock, I prepared to drive off but instead the cars did not move, waiting for several minutes I finally stepped out of the car to see the gate was still up. no one was moving. My throat felt choked as I wanted to scream “lift the gate”… instead the ferry started up again and then backed up, clearly heading back to Fulford Harbour. No one else seemed concerned. I was overwhelmed with frustration of not being able to get off. When I awoke I felt frustrated, trapped, worse I felt powerless…. this feeling stayed with me for days. Fortunately the dream was vivid and the clarity stayed with me too. I am a dream interpreter. I see meanings in things and dreams are a favourite source. This dream however scared me as I worried it was a metaphor for circumstances in my life that were out of my control. A week went by. I had an undercurrent of fear not usual for me and I knew that in my vulnerable state I could keep manifesting this “victim” kind of circumstance in other areas of my life. I had to solve it but how. Perchance I was having acupuncture a week or so later. While being left on the bed with needles quietly stimulating meridians I fell in to a day dream. The ferry dream played itself out once again. The powerlessness crept over me as the ferry backed out and again I was not able to get off. Suddenly a huge surge over took me I found myself at the railing looking out over Piers Island and the pass by Samson narrows. I was overwhelmed with saving myself from this choking feeling. Hardly thinking I plunged into the water. I shocked myself! then and quickly realized the water was warm, I felt cradled, nurtured, safe, in control I was floating and I became aware of fish and sea life all about me. They too felt safe, loved, happy….a floating docked appeared I climbed aboard, dangled my feet in the water and with a cup of tea joyously drank in the scene with fish and seals the dancing waves participating. My hair was picked up by the wind blowing it dry and birds flew out, they too in celebration cawing and thrilled with the magical scene unfolding. The sun was setting, the sky brilliant ribboned colours. I felt a goddess in a land of gods. I awoke to needles being pulled out, then breathed a huge sigh of gratitude for my surrender to this awe inspiring world. And so this painting “Water Chi” was born.
This is an adaptation from an indigenous story;
A grandfather was talking to his grandson about many things.
He said, “I feel angry as if two wolves are fighting in my heart. One wolf is vengeful, angry, violent, and the other is loving, compassionate and strong.”
The grandson asked the grandfather, “Which wolf will win the fight in your heart?”
The grandfather replied, “The one I feed”.
Sometimes it seems so difficult to rise above a difficult thought situation. Imagination, visualization, intention are all helpful, but sometimes, deep surrender offers infinite possibilities and opens to an awe inspiring life.